Saturday, August 23, 2008

Bitten

After thinking about it for a few seconds I've concluded mosquitoes offer no good or benefit to society.

Nothing can call up my paranoia and disdain quite like the blood-sucking mosquito. My problem is mosquitoes absolutely LOVE me. I am a magnet. I must emanate a pheromone that seduces the insects, invites them to suck the lifeblood from my body and encourages them to invite all their friends. I will be slapping my arms and brushing my legs and people will look at me like I'm insane.

I was at a pool party a few weeks ago and I confessed my unequivocal fear for mosquitoes. Someone asked, “Why, because of West Nile?”

“No, I just hate getting bitten.”

I suppose it's ironic that the deadly diseases mosquitoes can carry don't burden me in the least. I think what it is, is the loss of control. I can't see them assault me. They're sly when they land on my skin. And I do, I feel assaulted. I take it a little too personally, and feel defeated when that first itch sensation reaches my brain and I know the inevitable has happened: they found me again.

The other night I wanted to sit on my porch because the weather was so nice. I looked up at the porch light and saw the miscreants swarming around. So I turned off the light and sat in the dark. At some point I learned mosquitoes are attracted to light, so I figured if I sat in the dark they would find a light to travel to. I sat for about 8 minutes and then walked inside to discover I was bitten three times.

The worst is when I wake up in the middle of the night. A polite whisper prompts my brain and my eyes peacefully open. And then I hear it -- the slight buzzing of a satiated mosquito.

There's a mysterious adrenaline that manifests itself in the middle of the night. As soon as I suspect a mosquito presence I am jolted from my slumber. I don't just wake up -- I wake up in full combat mode. I flick the light on and I am ready to hunt down the mosquito until it is good and dead. Sometimes it takes a couple nights to conquer it. But once I do, the victory is sweet and I can sleep in peace.

I was sleeping in the same bed as my friend Kristi in Aruba last month and every night I got bit. They didn't touch her. They must smell my fear. And the delicious ambrosia that is my blood.

If I could rid the world of them I would.

8 comments:

Kelly Durham said...

That picture is PERFECT. I don't think you could have commissioned a better cartoon to accompany your prose (with which I wholeheartedly agree!). Malaria, west Nile, etc. Those creepy bloodsuckers are awful.

I would like to get rid of wasps also. I got stung on Tuesday by one and had the WORST reaction (we're talking a red, itchy rash all down my arm that lasted for two days on top of the stinging pain from the actual injection site). They seem to like me as much as mosquitoes like you.

In fact, I wouldn't miss most flying insects (with the exception of ladybugs--and I think I would get over it!). Get rid of them all!

Lisa Marie Trent said...

They don't seek light, they seek heat.

haha.

But I agree, they are of no use. Spiders and frogs have plenty of other things to eat. And I think our whole family tends to have RIDICULOUS reactions to bites, remember in Canada? I had those bites all over my legs that were as hard as rocks.

Stupid mosquitos.

Laura Lee said...

Kelly,

Funny you bring up ladybugs. The other day I saw something flying around behind my computer. I was ready to kill it until I saw it was a lady bug. So I let it live.

Lisa,

If mosquitoes are attracted to heat, I am still at a loss as to why they love me. I am cold all the time.

SRA said...

Ick. Sorry to hear you're such a delicacy. lol

Annie said...

Well, at least vampires are not smelling the delicious ambrosia that is your blood. (Yes, I'm reading those stupid Twilight books, and yes, I want my life back.) But as for the light situation, bugs are stupid, you have to give them another light nearby to go find in order to get them away from you. So, when a bug is in my bedroom I turn off all the lights and turn on the light in the hallway so they come find that light instead. It works!

Alex said...

I feel EXACTLY the same about those things!! The fact that I can't catch them in the act and get back at them makes me so angry at them!! I did catch one yesterday and I felt like I FINALLY was able to get back. I think during the Jordanelle tri, I got bit about 10 times. All up and down my arms and legs. Oh it makes me mad.

Ilene said...

Amen. Living in Idaho has not been kind to either me or my boys.

It is disturbing to squish one only to have blood smeared on your wall or floor... even more disturbing when you know it is probably your blood.

Cameron's Corner said...

You know that whole "opposition in all things" crud? I think mosquito's only exist so I can appreciate it when they're not around.

And if they didn't exist, then the whole Grass-In-The-Ear-Of-Your-Friend joke wouldn't work.